The Ten Tribes of David Stiles
After entering the gate that brings you into the cemetery, probably the
first thing you will notice is the Stiles Monument, the largest
stone in the cemetery. It was erected by this organization (all of
us) in memory of David Stiles and his 10 surviving children, who
would become our ancestors.
David Stiles, our common ancestor, was the son of Thomas Stiles and Abigail Ogden. Thomas died young, in about 1774 to 1776. David's mother remarried, but only lived a short time afterward. By 1778, her second husband had remarried. At least by the time he was 18, both David's parents were dead. David was born a citizen of England, a member of the New Jersey colony of England. In 1774 the British closed the port of Boston as a punishment for the Boston Tea Party. The stage was set for war. In September, the first Continental Congress met. At the tender age of 14, David had a tremendous decision to make. He had to decide whether to remain loyal to his country, England, or to fall in with a bunch of traitors who would go to war against their own country. After all, that was what the members of the Continental Congress were advocating. We get all dewey-eyed about our "founding fathers", but quite frankly, they were after all, practicing treason against England! Just imagine our 14 year old ancestor, all fired up with patriotism. He made his choice. He enlisted in the New Jersey Militia in 1774. That winter in Morris Town, New Jersey was the coldest on record. In fact, it is described as “the little ice age”. Major Nathaniel Green, a contemporary of George Washington described Washington's Army: "Poor fellows! They exhibit a picture truly disturbing - more than half naked and two-thirds starved. A country overflowing with plenty are now suffering an army, employed for the defense of everything that is dear and valuable, to perish for want of food."
David did survive the war and married Elizabeth Kitchell in 1784. He and Elizabeth lived in Morristown and had 11 children.
In 1809, when Kentucky was only a few years old, 49 year old David and his wife along with their eleven children ranging in age from 2 to 24 years moved to Stiles, Kentucky.
This is one of the mysteries of our cemetery. Why would a 49 year old man with eleven children decide to become a pioneer? After all, 49 years old in 1809 was much older than 49 years old is today! Why would he leave the conveniences of a civilized life in New Jersey to live out in the wilderness, no stores, no doctors, no conveniences? Was he a gambler? Was he a horse thief? Or did he, as he said in a letter, just want to "leave the poor deplorable soil of New Jersey to find a promised land?" What did he mean, "the poor deplorable soil of New Jersey"? Is this the same New Jersey whose license tags read "The Garden State of America"? And how did he convince all those children who were teenagers and young adults to abandon their friends and go with him?
When we walk through the cemetery, I want to warn you - you won't be seeing any stones of royalty or aristocracy. There isn't any blue blood buried here, just ordinary Americans. This cemetery represents not only our family's personal history, but the history of our country. Almost every war this country has been involved in is represented here. There are graves of veterans of the Revolutionary War, the War of 1812, the Civil War, World War I, World War II, and the Korean War. You are going to see the graves of men and women who believed in their right to be free and to work hard to achieve and protect what this country offers. Because of them, we have the same opportunity. We are doctors and lawyers, farmers, teachers and ministers, artists and musicians, and yes, even pharmacists. Because of them, we are.
We'll start right inside the gate and walk to our left.
The first grave is Mary Pickerill. That's my Great Aunt Molly. If you've read my letters before, you'll remember her. She was my family's clown. She was David Stiles' great granddaughter. She was buried next to her parents, John Calvin Stiles and his wife Caroline. (Her name was Caroline Elizabeth. The Stiles Book refers to her as Elizabeth). The next grave is John & Caroline's one year old son, Jesse. Little Jesse died because he ate a biscuit that had been baited with rat poison. This grave is one of the family tragedies.
If you glance at the Stiles monument as we walk along, you will notice that one of David's children was Densy. The next grave is Densy's. When she was born George Washington was president. She was the second oldest daughter - 15 years old when the Stiles family set up housekeeping in Kentucky. Imagine the responsibility a teenaged daughter had in a pioneer family! It didn't take her long to adjust, though. Two years after they settled here, Densy was married. She was the first of the family to do so and the first to present David and Elizabeth a grandchild!
The next gravestone is something that might not surprise one if they happened to see it in one of the New Orleans' cemeteries, but kind of shocking to find here! It says, Margaret E., consort of Joel C. Miller. This is just another word for "wife", but seldom used this far north. The next gravesite is that of another immediate family member, Densy's son, William Phillips.
After that grave, reverse your direction and come back on the second row. The first grave is that of Henry Stiles and his wife, Bettye Uptegrove. Henry was David's grandson and the father of Cousin Jenny Harned. Her daughters, Mary and Catherine, and her grandson's Don and Bill Shoemaker attend our reunions. Bill is responsible for the upkeep of the cemetery and is the treasurer of our Stiles family organization.
Next are the gravesites of Henry's brother, Demas, whose wife was Lucy Phillips. This is one of the places where tracing our family history gets difficult. Glance again at the Stiles Monument. See David's son, John? That is Demas' father. See just above John, the name Densy? That is Lucy's grandmother! You won't be around the older Stiles' long before you start hearing "Uncle Demas" stories. Apparently his greatest joy in life was in pulling practical jokes, especially on the "chaps" in the family. In return the boys all lived to see if they could outsmart him by stealing his watermelons. Aunt Lucy kept the problems that could have arisen at bay by being the best cook in the neighborhood.
The
next two graves, Electra and James are sister and brother to Henry
and Demas.
Next is the gravesite of their parents, John and Rhoda Stiles. John is one of David's sons. He also was born in New Jersey while George Washington was president, and came to Kentucky when he was 13 years old. He lived in David's home and owned the land that includes the cemetery and the site of the first church. I understand that he was the first of the Stiles family to own slaves. If you go to my Aunt Dorothy Miller, the current owner of the David Stiles homeplace, she will probably show you one of the slave cabins that John built to house his slaves. Interestingly, enough, another of David's sons, David, Jr., the youngest born in New Jersey, and only 2 years old when they moved to Kentucky, left this area to live in Hardin County, Ky. He apparently sheltered blacks in a cave on his farm. He died from a gun shot wound he received as a result of those activities. One cannot but wonder if he moved away from this area because of dissent in the family over the same issues that tore our country apart.
The next five graves in that row are children of John and Rhoda. Jacob, Joseph and Elizabeth all died as children. Thomas and David were adults. In fact, John and Rhoda had 13 children and all but one are buried in this cemetery, most in this row. Their son, John C. was in the first row. Sally is buried in the next row, and Johnathan is on top of the hill on the back side of the cemetery.
The third row starts with the graves of Mary Ann and Charles Beeler. Mary Ann was the granddaughter of David, who fought in the Revolutionary War. Her 41 year old husband (they had been married 19 years) was killed in the Civil War. Her sister was Chris Gaddie. In a previous year I sent you a copy of Chris Gaddie's letter concerning the Civil War and told you of her hatred of Abraham Lincoln. Maybe this grave is one of the reasons for her feelings. Charles Beeler's death left Mary Ann with 7 children ranging in age from 3 years old to 17 years old. (Chris Gaddie is not buried in this cemetery. Her grave site is about 1/2 mile from here. Her great grandson, our Stiles Family president, George Hubbard, plans to move her grave and those of her children from that cemetery to this one.)
The next graves sites are those of Charles and Annie Stiles. Charles was David's second child. He was a young man, 21 years old, when he helped his father forge a place for themselves in this new home. He settled the farthest away from his father on their original homestead. His home was on what we call "The Gaddie Place". The family home burned just a few years ago, but was one of the most beautiful and gracious places of my childhood memories. Charles was born after the Revolutionary War, so he was not born a subject of the English throne, as was his father, David. However, we hadn't replaced the English government with one of our own. It must have been a pretty scary time in history. No government, no laws, no property rights. In fact, in 1786, George Washington wrote, "We are fast verging on anarchy and confusion." In 1788, the year Charles was born, enough states had approved the Constitution that the government could begin to be organized. George Washington was elected president when Charles was one year old.
The next grave is that of Charles
W. Stiles, a son of Charles and Annie.
The next grave is marked by just a
slab of stone picked up in a field nearby. You have to look hard at
the back to see the marking - "D.S. 1760-1839." This is
the grave stone of all of our ancestor, David Stiles. It's much
easier to see the newer stone, set on top of his grave by the
Daughters of the American Revolution marking his grave as that of a
Revolutionary War Soldier. What of his wife, Elizabeth? She died
of cholera while visiting in Lebanon, Ky. At that time, it would
have been impossible to move her body back to Stiles, Ky., so we
assume she was buried where she died.
After David, we have another grave
site that baffles genealogists, that of Lafayette and Sallie Stiles.
Refer again to the monument. Lafayette is the son of Lewis and
Sallie is the daughter of John. Lafayette and Sallie's parents were
first cousins! The next four graves are those of people I knew very
well and in fact attended each of their funerals. They are
Lafayette and Sallie's children, Rhoda, Lafe, Rebecca and John
Cleveland. These are some of the people I told you about last year
- the people who were my childhood, that made the ones who are
buried here that I never knew, seem to be so alive to me that I feel
like I even knew them!
The next grave is not that of a
member of the Stiles family, but so unusual that it is worth
noticing. It is the grave of a Catholic priest buried in a Baptist
Cemetery. Remember when he was buried here, in 1866, his grave was
in the shadow of the church. The explanation I have been given is
that at that time, these communities built churches where they went
to worship, but they did not have a regular minister. The ministers
of all faiths rode a circuit. When they arrived in a community they
baptized and married everyone who needed such services since the
last minister had made his rounds. There was no embalming, so if
you happened to die while you were in a community - you were buried
where you died.
The next row back is a short row and seemed to have caught the brunt of the church fire. I don't know who Joseph B. was. Next is Martha E., an unmarried daughter of Lewis and Rebecca Stiles. I also don't know who George E. Stiles was. But the next two are the badly burned stone of Rebecca Stiles and the stone of Lewis, her husband. Lewis was David's oldest son. He was born in 1785, just 2 years after the Treaty of Paris, ending the Revolutionary War had been signed and he was 4 years old before we had our first president. He was 24 years old when he came to Kentucky. It didn't take him long to get involved in Ky. politics, because he was appointed Captain in the War of 1812 by Isaac Shelby, first governor of Ky. I don't know where Lewis participated in the war of 1812, but he got his commission as Capt. in 1814. That same year 2000 Kentuckians with that many Tennesseans followed Andrew Jackson to New Orleans to fight the British. They won the battle, but found afterward that a Peace Treaty had been signed some time earlier, and we weren't even at war! I always thought of Lewis when I heard the following song that was popular when I was in high school: "In 1814 we took a little trip Along with Genr'l Jackson down the mighty Mississip We took a little bacon and we took a little beans And we fought the bloody British at the town of New Orleans."
Lewis' tombstone is interesting.
It is beautifully cut, quite a masterpiece. It has the logo of the
people who sold it cut into it, "Poole & Joyce, Lebanon."
Lewis died only 19 years later than his father, David, yet society
had progressed enough that he could have a real monument purchased
from a business, rather than a field rock. It didn't take long to
settle this land.
Next to Lewis is an interesting grave site, that of Stiles W. Beall, Lewis' grandson. It says that he was a Confederate Soldier, 8th Ky. - under Hon. J Morgan - died at home Nov. 13, 1866. We are told that he died as a result of exposure suffered while hiding from guerillas. Keep in mind that Kentucky was a neutral state and there were no official Ky. units. He, then, also was a guerilla! These soldiers were referred to as the "Orphan Brigade".
The next grave is that of Mary E. Beeler Stiles, wife of Jacob W. Stiles, a daughter-in-law of Charles Stiles, David's son. She is Edward DeMumbrum and Mary Sue Holt's great grand-mother.
In the next row, look for the
grave of 3 year old Christy Beeler and next to hers, those of her
parents, H.L. and M. Beeler. H.L. Beeler is the oldest son of
Charles Beeler who died in the Civil War. H.L. lost his father when
he was 18 years old.
Later in that same row notice the graves of Griffeth Willett and his wife Rhoda. Rhoda is one of David's daughters. She came to Kentucky when she was 9 years old. She was born when John Adams was president and our democracy was beginning to grow a little. Rhoda and Griffeth are my ancestors. Their son, George, is buried next to them.
Rhoda's is the last grave in the cemetery that belongs to one of David's children. Refer to the Stiles monument again. Lewis and Charles' graves are here. Eunice, who fell in love with Joe Maxwell when he came to borrow the axe, married him and moved away. Densy and John are both buried here. Chillion moved to Taylor County and is buried there. We are in front of Rhoda's grave. Abraham and David, Jr. are buried in Hardin County. Demas moved to Missouri. We don't know where the baby, Joseph Kitchell, is buried.
Most of the people buried in this cemetery then, are the descendants of those five children who stayed and made their homes in the Stiles Valley. Maybe there was not room for the younger ones to stay and farm, or maybe Kentucky had just become too "civilized" for their tastes. Or maybe the environment that led up to the Civil War, the War that pitted North against South and in border states such as Kentucky even pitted brother against brother, made this little valley too hostile for them to remain.
Let's start walking back and watch for the graves of Wm. T. Miller and his wife, Addie B. Miller. Addie is the daughter of Charles and Mary Anne Beeler. Addie was only 3 when her father died in the Civil War. Addie was Charles Stiles' granddaughter and William T was John's grandson so their parents, also, were first cousins.
The next grave site is one of a 1 year old child, Iona, daughter of John C. Stiles, Jr. and Fannie. We have noticed these children's graves on purpose. There are less than 10 graves of little Stiles children in this old cemetery that represents a period of time in our history during which one family could expect to lose more than half of their babies. Either Stiles, Kentucky was a very isolated place where children were not exposed to childhood diseases, or Stileses were exceptionally healthy people, or maybe a little of both.
The next grave site is one that presents the biggest genealogical problem of them all thus far! John Calvin Stiles, Jr. is Jonelle, Calvin and Sue's (our secretary) grandfather. He was also my grandfather's (Burr Harrison Stiles) brother. John Calvin and Burr were gandson's of John, David's son. John Calvin married Fannie Willett, who was David's daughter, Rhoda's granddaughter. My Grandfather, Burr, married Annie Bion Coakley, who was a great grand daughter of Rhoda. So Burr was kin to Annie and John Calvin was kin to Fannie, but Annie and Fannie were closer kin to each other than they were to their respective husbands, who were brothers. Now the big question! How are Jonelle, Sue and Calvin kin to me?? Whew! I'm glad I'm not the family historian!
Starting back in the next row, is the grave of Emma Mae Brown, wife of Willett Stiles. He is the son of the above mentioned John C. Stiles and Fannie Willett Stiles and to take a complicated situation one step farther, his wife, Emma Mae is a descendant of another child of David's, Densy. Willett and Emma Mae' children are W.B. and Mary Lois Stiles. I give up! I just don't know enough calculus to figure out how I am kin to W.B. and Mary Lois! Willett and Emma Mae ran the Stiles Grocery that I grew up with. Emma Mae was the Stiles, Ky. Postmistress until the Post Office closed and Stiles, Ky. became part of Howardstown, KY. Now even that Post Office is closed and this cemetery, if it had an address, would be on Stiles Road, New Haven, Kentucky.
The next grave I want you to notice is that of Leora Miller. Miss Leora, as I knew her, was the librarian at Bardstown High School when I was a student of Old Ky. Home High School, also in Bardstown. Since it was difficult for my parents to take me back to Bardstown for school events (Stiles, Ky is 28 miles from Bardstown), I spent a lot of nights with Miss Leora, who had an apartment in Bardstown. I got to know her real well and through her I learned of her mother, Addie Chris, who had been only 3 years old when her father was killed fighting the Yankees. Having known these people, it shortens my impression of the length of history. It makes the Civil War seem like, not so long ago.
Reverse and look for the grave site of Robert and Fannie Gaddie. Cousin Bob was the grandson of Charles Stiles, David's son and Cousin Fannie was the great granddaughter of John, David's son. Cousins Bob and Fannie were a part of our community and a part of my childhood.
There are a lot of graves that I haven't mentioned. You will notice those of the Bray family, the DeSpains, the Perkins', Prices and others. These are not Stiles kin, but were fellow church members, friends and members of the community that our ancestors (and I) knew.
Now I would like you to walk all the way to the back of the cemetery - to the top of the hill. I have shown you the graves of our older ancestors, of David and his children, of people who lived and loved, suffered, fought wars and died, gave birth to a nation and saw it through it's infancy. They and others like them helped to shape it and make it the greatest nation on earth.
But here, on the top of the hill, I have trouble seeing such lofty things, because right before you are the people who saw me through my birth and childhood. These are the ones who shaped me personally. They are the ones who made me so appreciate my heritage, who made all these people represented by the monuments alive for me. And it breaks my heart to stand where I am asking you to stand.
Edward Joseph and Caroline Stiles, I don't remember. Uncle Ed was my grandfather's brother and as is true in so many incidences in this cemetery, Aunt Carrie was also my kin, the granddaughter of Charles, David's son. Surrounding them are their children - Beautiful Naomi, who was always at the Reunions and whose daughter, Caroline, will undoubtedly be there this year; her sister, Stella; and their other sister, my beloved Aunt Blanche (who wasn't my aunt at all!). Aunt Blanche's husband (whom I called Mr. DeMumbrum, since he was one of my high school teachers) spent hours listening to my silly high school problems and treated me and my problems as if they were as serious and as important as some great world event. Their son, Lawrence, enough older than me that I was nothing but a bother to him is buried there. Edward, their surviving son, who will also undoubtedly be at the Reunion, grew up with me; we played together, rode bikes together, went to school together, and he will always be my friend.
And there, the tombstones of Cousins Tom and Jennie Harned. How many churns of ice cream and how many watermelons did we go through in their back yard. And their son, Tommy (Thomas Lee Harned, Jr.). I can't imagine going home and not seeing Tommy. Cousin Tom and Jennie's daughter, I called Miss Harned, not LaVerne. Miss Harned was the Stiles School teacher. When I attended, she taught all 8 grades in a one-room schoolhouse, complete with a Warm Morning stove, 2 out-houses and a water pump outside. She was my teacher for the first 7 grades, then the Nelson County schools were consolidated. I went off to the 8th grade without her, but when I started to high school, she was the high school Math teacher, so she taught me all 4 years of high school. LaVerne Harned was my teacher from the first grade until I graduated from High School except for one year.
I don't remember Johnathan and Lizzie Belle Stiles, but certainly was aware of their influence. Lizzie Belle was a grandaughter of Rhoda, David's daughter. She was also my grandmother, Annie Bion Coakley Stiles' mother. Lizzie Belle married John Coakley and their only child was my grandmother. John Coakley died and she remarried Johnathan Stiles, my grandfather, Burr Stiles' uncle. They raised my grandmother and lived on the original David Stiles homeplace. My grandmother died when my father and his sister, Dorothy Miller, were very young, so Lizzie Belle helped raise them.
You can see the graves of my Grandmother, Annie and my Grandfather, Burr. Every child in the world should have known a grandfather like mine. I can still almost smell his pipe and can almost see him strike a match against the round stone that was always in his pocket. His influence on me and my life has been tremendous.
There's the almost new tombstone of David and Alma Stiles - my second parents. if Mama and Daddy weren't available, David was there to help. He's taken me to the Dr., hauled my car out of ditches, and has even spanked my behind! (I deserved it.)
Right at your feet is the stone of William Hopewell, Aunt Dorothy's first husband - my Uncle Billy. One of my earliest memories is of Uncle Billy being at Granddaddy's house and letting me wear his Army hat. Unfortunately, another of my earliest memories is that war kills. Even my Uncle Billy.
There are only two graves left for me to tell you about. One shouldn't even be there. That is Ruth, my little sister. Little sisters aren't supposed to die first. Especially not when their children are so young. She lived her whole life and she died right here in the Stiles valley on the same piece of property that our great, great, great grandfather, David settled on in 1809.
And now, only one is left. The back of that stone has my name on it, because I am the daughter of George Gray Stiles. Daddy was an extremely well respected and influential man. He held several important positions, but I believe that the most important job in his mind was the fact that he was a farmer. He wasn't just any farmer either! He had been given the opportunity to till the same land that his father, Burr Harrison Stiles farmed; that his grandfather, John Calvin Stiles farmed; that his great grandfather, John Stiles farmed and that his great-great grandfather, David, saw as his "promised land". Daddy loved this land. He loved the hills and the trees. He loved the river and the river bottoms. This was his heritage and he bragged that it had always been in this family. Now his final resting place is on a little piece of that land.
If there is any solace for me, when I look at the graves of these, my family, it is the knowledge that their remains are here, here where our ancestor established his family and made all of us possible.
I'm not inclined to sit next to a grave and talk to the deceased. I really don't think they are there! But I do feel strongly that their memory should be honored and these stone memorials should be cared for. Every year when we send the newsletters I ask for a donation for the upkeep of this cemetery. It's just a little country cemetery in the backwoods of Kentucky, but for all of us, the descendants of those who are buried here, it should be very important. We have very little family left in the community so the upkeep of the cemetery has to be done by someone who we hire. That takes a lot of money!! Don't feel as if you must wait for the newsletter asking for your donation!! You can send a donation any time!! Make your check out to the Stiles Cemetery Fund and you can send it to me:
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